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Throwback [23 Nov 2009|11:35pm] Have I really changed? (+)

[25 Jan 2006|11:45pm] [ mood | scared ] Today has been exceptional so far, and by exceptional I mean that it is better than all the other days. This morning, Jenna and I walked to the bus stop and no one was there. Amanda was getting a ride from her friend Sean. So we missed the bus. Sean drove right by us and I swore Amanda gave us the finger. I found out a while ago that she didn't, so I feel bad mentioning it to her dad on the answering machine while calling for a ride to school. He was pretty pissed off and took forever to come get us. Jenna and I waited at the bus stop for probably a half hour or more. I told Jenna that when he came to get us, that he would speed and we'd probably get pulled over. I wasn't right about the second part, but he did speed. And we were scared for our lives for 10 minutes, but we made it to school on time, and that's all that matters. My Health midterm was fairly easy and only took up about 40 minutes of the 2 hours we had. I really had nothing to do, so I just watched people talk, and it was completely fine with me because sometimes I just don't feel like talking. Plus, I love to watch people talk sometimes. I have no idea what they're talking about. And I like to sit there with a smile on my face and pretend everything's ok and that I'm alright, but that essentially wouldn't be pretending because I really am ok and alright. I went to Study Hall, and that goofy kid Dave was standing there. No one else was there, and the door was locked. Teresa and Alexa walked up to me. Alexa said, "Are you coming with us to go to lunch?" "Are we allowed to just walk out like that? "Yeh, are you coming? I need to find Jess." "I don't know..." "Well, I need to know if you are." Someone walked by and I got distracted. "Are you coming?!" "I guess!" and I just followed her. Teresa, or "Big T" as Alexa calls her, told us that she had to study so she wasn't going to come. She ended up coming and we ended up not finding Jess. So Teresa, Alexa, and I went to Rojo's. It reminded me of Wahoo's except smaller and not as...Californian. I had this taco salad. It was really good. Afterward we called up Jess and she was at B&B so we met up with Jess and this girl Nicky (Nikki, Niki?) at the 7th Street Surf Shop. I won't go through the play-by-play of the rest of the 2 hours we had left to spare, but it was fun. And a huge pack of ducks almost pooped on our heads. And we went to Teresa's great grandparent's house so we could wait for our buses. And it was a fun time. I get my hair done tomorrow. That will be good. I need a make over. (1) ♥(+)

[23 Jan 2006|10:44pm] [ mood | sad ] I believe my eyebrows are just about perfect right now, but that's not the important issue, nor does that make me feel better right now. I wish I could express pain on paper or when I type. Depression, no, I don't like that word...sadness is so bland in writing. I am so sad right now. I love life, I do, but I just can't come out of this sadness right now. I want to just snap out of it just like I snap in it. Everything is provoking it. I really wish I could just cry right now. I want to cry. I want to cry really bad. I know that if I cry I won't feel so irritated. And it can't be a cry from a punch or a cry from a cut, it has to be a cry from a memory or a cry from someone emotionally hurting me. Ugh, now putting aside that issue considering I really can't do much about it... Ok, so I was watching MSNBC while folding papers for one of the guidance counselor secretaries, and they did a five minute report on how today is the worst day of they year. I guarentee you it won't be. I just know so. Because there will be that day a few months from now where I just feel like crap and will say "this is the worst day of the year", voiding today as being the official worst day of the year. It wasn't that bad so far, I mean, we have midterms, but I only had a choir midterm and it wasn't too hard. My hair looks really crappy though. There's this girl on my bus and she has to be about one of the most obnoxious people I have ever known. Besides the fact that she has been a total bitch not only to my cousin, but me, she has the biggest mouth ever. Today the bus home was packed. Jenna sat down next to some random girl, while Amanda and I were stuck finding a different seat. We sat down in a 2 seater towards the end of the bus, and she comes waddling down the walkway. "There better be a seat back there for me!" I remember once when she sat down she said to someone coming on the bus "there's no room for you back here". The kid then says "Well maybe if you didn't take up the whole seat there would be." Anyway! We're all sitting on the bus and she says "People who aren't priveleged should move to the front of the bus". This kid gets up and moves and she says "not you, you're a junior!". That is SO ridiculous. I would have stayed there and ignored her like the last time she tried to tell me to do something. Guys are scared of her. She's a fucking obnoxious monster. She should win an award. (+)

[21 Jan 2006|05:23pm] [ mood | sleepy ] I made the best macaroni salad in the US. No wait, in the world. NO, in the universe. Aliens couldn't make macaroni salad better than me. :D (6) ♥(+)

[20 Jan 2006|10:22pm] [ music | Made ] I eat peppers like apples and people think I'm weird but I really just enjoy peppers. I was supposed to save it for my macaroni salad, but I figured that the onion and celery would be enough. This guy on Made has tits. I think they are bordering bigger than mine. I feel so bad for him. But anyway, Amanda's boyfriend IMs me saying "I saw you checking out him* today." My first thought...AMANDA. She must have told him, but no. He saw me raise my eyebrows and then talk to him on the way to 12th, and he just had an idea that I liked him. I don't know who I like anymore. The chest pain got worse, but I still proceed to dance on the pool table with Amanda. To Play. I think I've learned 90% of the words. this orange pepper is really good amazing wonderful *refusing to type his name (+)

[18 Jan 2006|03:25pm] [ mood | sick ] Today...until coming home from school, was a long day. It started out pretty bad. I woke up at 6:30 to hear Jenna's alarm going off and was pissed that mine didn't go off at the time I set it to, 5:55. So I had to forego a shower and now I look bad and probably smell. Not really, but I still look bad. To top it off, I've been getting chest pains from my cold, and the friggen' house sounded like it was going to fall apart because the wind was so bad. THEN, while getting a ride to the bus stop from Paul, I realized I forgot all my English work. During 3rd period, we had a lockdown because some girl made a threat and then was arrested. The rest of the day consisted of me falling asleep in the rest of my classes because I felt so sick. Today just sucks so far. (+)

[16 Jan 2006|09:51pm] So I never really type in here anymore. I don't really type in a journal that much anymore. I don't know, maybe there's just nothing to say. Lately I've been really longing companionship. I want a boyfriend. I believe I'm finally ready. Sure, random hook ups are still fine until I find a boyfriend but I just want to be steady and sure. Ya' know? I used to detest relationships and not want to be in one, thinking that this is my time to have fun, but I am really missing having a guy care for me. (+)

[08 Jan 2006|08:24pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Moonlight Sonata" Beethoven ] Ok, so my cousin just cracked up because I was up here listening to music, and all of the sudden "My Name Is" by Eminem comes on my playlist and I was singing along. That's alright. This weekend was interesting. I was sick, that sucked. So I was thinking. And I'm making this random stuff that has happened/happens in my life. I don't swallow in the shower. I have a freckle on my vagina. When I first started going through puberty, I went to the doctor because I thought my budding boobs were cancer. When I was in fourth grade or so, I used to hang out with this girl. One day when I called to hang out, she told me that she couldn't hang out with me again because her dad said so. I think it was because I didn't have a relgion. When I was younger I thought that sucking penis meant drinking wine. One Christmas, I went to Amy's and we were playing Enchanted Palace, and she started to throw up and I ran home crying. I cry and hold my hands over my mouth when the doctor comes near me with a throat culture. I had mono when I was 7 (I think). I once got a voicemail with an entire conversation of my friend's step-dad and his friends talking about how I accidentally grabbed his penis while looking for my phone. I haven't thrown up in 13-14 years. When I was younger, my Aunt Patty and Uncle Chuck stayed with me and we danced to the BeeGees for hours. When I was around 2 years old, I ate a candle off my cupcake. I used to get sick listening to "The Whisper Song" because the girl above my apartment would play it so much and it would always vibrate through my floor. I remember once Catherine said "sweltering" in 3rd grade and I thought it was really smart. My next door neighbor in Stratford used to think he was an Indian and said the renovation hole in his yard was a tiger trap. My 9 year old cousin Josh knows most of the words to the song "Colt 45" by Afroman. (2) ♥(+)

[18 Dec 2005|09:43pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Honky Tonk Woman" The Rolling Stones ] Yes, so Christmas shopping is finally out of the way. I'm making my mommy a pillow in arts and crafts. :D We got Lynn those jeans I have that she really likes, and we made them a pillow with me, Jenna, Amanda, and Marissa making a funny face saying "Mommy and Daddy's Little Girls". Cute, huh? We were all in the food court, and Jenna was standing by the table talking to us while we eat (she was contemplating what she wanted) and this fucking rude lady to the table next to us was like, "You need to stop flicking your hair next to us, we're trying to eat," and fucking glares at us! How fucking rude. She wasn't even flicking her hair. She was just standing there talking. Ugh. Whatever though. We get a pretty good kick out of it now. OH, and Julsi came to visit this weekend, so I'm happy. :D UGH, school tomorrow. That sucks hardcore..... (+)

[13 Dec 2005|07:56pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "This is Only a Test" Acceptance ] ( pics ) (5) ♥(+)

[13 Dec 2005|07:55pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Things You Say" Acceptance ] Well, so recently my entries have not really said anything besides me being happy here and liking some guy. I figured I would actually update with something besides that. Feelings as of lately? I'm feeling good. I'm getting situated with everything. I'm super pissed because I have to perform in some concert for choir tomorrow. Why is this a problem? I only know 2 songs. I've been here for like, 2-3 weeks. That's not enough time to learn 10 + songs. What does she think I am, Miracle Woman? The teacher is nuts. Absolutely fucking nuts. I made a pretty pillow in arts and crafts. Cool stuff. It has little heart patches all over it. It's festive. Yay for festive...ness. I have a lot of essays due, however life's just been hectic. I don't have the same amount of time to myself. It's distressing in a way, but good in another. Essays are taking over my life. For real, all I'm doing is friggen' essays. And helping people edit them. Ahahaha, this is probably the best part of the whole entry. I have a new "boyfriend" (he's not really a boyfriend, or even someone I like or think is attractive for that matter...he's a joke). His name is...well, I don't know, but we call him Munchie Man. This kid gets his lunch. Complete with about 4 different thing. The kid starts his lunch the same time I start my pretzel and cookies and finishes 10 minutes before I'm even done eating. This kid doesn't take a breath. He just keeps scooping food into his mouth, and then on top of that drinks 2 milks, lmao. It's just funny watching him eat. He puts his face all close to the tray and just scoops it in there. It's hilarious. Anyway, I think I'm going to go occupy myself with something else. Josh is piling on clothes to make "records". It's pretty funny. He had 6 sweatshirts on. (+)

[05 Dec 2005|04:46pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Sugarcult "Pretty Girl" ] yeh, so school's going good I'm still staring at *him* constantly we were both wearing the same color today apparently his g/f was wearing red ugh and a "man whore" gave me his number today interesting in case I ever "needed a ride" somewhere... (+)

[03 Dec 2005|04:33pm] [ mood | bored ] Geez I'm bored. Catherine better come get me. (+)

[28 Nov 2005|05:22pm] [ mood | bored ] Tomorrow I start at Ocean City High School. I'm not really nervous, I guess because I've done this before. I just don't want to feel alone. I guess I won't. Amanda's going to help me in the morning and Joanna (one of Amanda's best friends) has the same lunch as me so that should be cool. Hm, life is hectic around here, but I like it. I've gone from doing about absolutely nothing to doing something, so that's pretty cool. I always have someone to talk to. Lynn and Josh are the only one's home right now, but that's ok, I don't feel like moving from this chair at the moment and Lynn is talking to me from upstairs anyway about my room...which I finally tidied up today. Wow, that was a really long sentence. So I guess that's it for the moment. Hopefully I will have a good day tomorrow and get to see some people this weekend. :D (8) ♥(+)

[19 Nov 2005|07:24pm] [ mood | sad ] It's my last day in La Jolla. Now I will go pack up my last stuff (including my computer) and try to enjoy the "priviledge" of hanging out with my own father, who now knows I own a fucking vibrator. I won't be on the computer much. (+)

[13 Nov 2005|11:07am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | MSI "Panty Shot" ] I so went to Legoland yesterday with Julia and her aunt, uncle, and little cousin. We went on the rollercoaster a few times and this floating fairy tale boat ride thing, but we did the neatest thing, lol. We recorded a song in some studio in a store. "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne, ahahah. It's pretty neat. And we went to Ruby's and I had shrimp tacos and a pumpkin milkshake. Neato. Good day I'd have to say. Despite my stuffy, congested self. I so bought a cute shirt and earrings at Forever 21 the day before yesterday. Yay for that. (1) ♥(+)

[25 Oct 2005|03:31pm] Ok, so I just had this completely random revelation while reading Grendel. It's about the knowing what the future has in store for you...you know, like actually being able to read the future. The future is something that is definitely going to happen...so knowing the future just defeats the purpose. Because if you really know what's going to happen in the future, and you prevent that from happening, then you really didn't know what was going to happen...therefore, you can't read the future, you just thought you could. Example from Grendel: The dragon knows the future. He knows that apparently he will go burn down the meadhall, so he goes and does it anyway. What if he DIDN'T go burn down the meadhall? Then obviously, even if it did end up burning down, it wouldn't be from him doing it, which is what was read of the future. (+)

[24 Oct 2005|09:07pm] Ok, so I receive this letter in the mail from Test Adminstration Services for the SAT...and it's all about how there was an "irregularity" during the administration of the Oct. 8 test that I just took for the SAT, and it's offering me a retest? At first I was upset because I thought they sent me this because I got a shitty score, but my dad is trying to tell me that they apparently screwed up something. I really hope I'm not the only one who got this letter...I'm so fucking unlucky. I don't want to have to take this 4 hour test again (again even after I was planning to take it again after I took the SAT 2). I don't really know how to decipher exactly what they're saying, but the letter basically says: "We have been informed by the testing supervisor at the Univ. of San Diego that an irregularity occured during the Oct. 8, 2005 administration of the SAT Reasoning or Subject Tests. If you feel that your concentration was affected by the homecoming game that occured during you test(s), you may wish to consider the option of taking a special retest..." blah blah blah ..."Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience this most unusual occurance has caused you." Someone is pisssssssed. And her name begins with an "N" and ends with an "ikki". (4) ♥(+)

[24 Oct 2005|02:39pm] [ mood | bored ] ( I stole this jawn from Tessa. ) (1) ♥(+)

[16 Oct 2005|10:22pm] [ mood | pissed off ] I don't even know what to say anymore, besides the fact that my dad and step-mom are COMPLETELY insensitive, selfish ASSHOLES who only care about their perfect little marriage and living together in perfect harmony. They don't understand. I lived with my mother all my life, she catered to me. She cooked for me, she cleaned the dishes for me, did my laundry. FOR 17 YEARS. When I tell them I'm trying, they say I'm not...because it's NOT good enough for them. Apparently I'm a brat because I cry in public. If you wouldn't PROVOKE me, maybe I fucking wouldn't! Calling me a brat in front of company for no reason...trying to show them "how bad" I am. Do you think your constantly putting me down makes me feel good? Do you think that telling me to shut up and screaming at me when I come to you FOR help is helping me? You are so fucking SELF CENTERED. EVERY TIME WE TALK YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH OF A LAZY BRAT I AM. DO YOU THINK THAT'S HELPING ME? DO YOU THINK THAT HELPS? BECAUSE I'VE TOLD YOU AT LEAST 20 times IT DOESN'T HELP...AT...ALL...PERIOD. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT. I'M APPARENTLY A BRAT BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS. YOU AND YOUR FUCKING JAILBAIT FOREIGN MAIL ORDER BRIDE APPARENTLY DON'T HAVE ANY AND ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELVES. WHO TELLS THEIR DAUGHTER THAT THEY "LET" ME LIVE WITH HIM, EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW I WOULD FUCK UP HIS FUCKING MARRIAGE? I SHOULD BE YOUR NUMBER 1 PRIORITY. MOM DIDN'T GET HERSELF PREGNANT. YOUR MARRIAGE WITH A STUPID WHORE WHO DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK 3/5's of ENGLISH SHOULD BE TRIVIAL WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR DAUGHTER. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? YOU LEFT MY MOTHER WHEN YOU PROMISED BOTH OF US YOU NEVER WOULD, MARRIED A 22 YEAR OLD BABY, MOVED ALL THE WAY ACROSS COUNTRY AND THEN ACT LIKE I SHOULD BE FINE WITH THAT. TO ME YOU HAVEN'T BEEN A DAD SINCE THE MOMENT YOU LEFT AND NEVER WILL BE ONE TO ME, EVER AGAIN. I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE. ALL I NEED YOU FOR IS TO SUPPORT ME FINANCIALLY, SINCE YOU FAILED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE. I just don't understand. What did I ever do to you? Why is it SO horrible that I don't clean like you want me to? That doesn't make me a bad person. But apparently I am. Whatever. Colorado here I come. (3) ♥(+)

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